September is always a hard month for me. I hit Nelle’s birthday on September 4th, and then spend the rest of the month being reminded of how hard that first month in that first year was. How I spent days on end crying on the bathroom floor, with my back against the tub and my head pressed against my knees. It was a dense fog of survival, followed by stumbling through Theo’s birthday a few weeks later. A true testament to parenting: putting aside my own feelings, however anguished, to celebrate another one of my children. Continue reading
This week has been absolutely nutty. Make that last week and this week — or perhaps every day since Friday the 13th when it was also an impending full moon. That’s it. Work has been a combination of Friday the 13th, the Full Moon, and toss in Groundhog Day, for nearly two weeks now. Everyone has lost their minds and is howling. Continue reading
I took my two older kids to church this morning. We always take a hiatus in the summer; the church changes their schedule from two Sunday services to one, and offers no religious ed classes during the one single service, so we stop attending. The one service seems to imply that they expect lower attendance in the summer and that’s fine, I told myself as I got dressed this morning, I have to get over the guilt that was ingrained into me growing up. Continue reading
Four years. 1,461 days. My baby girl, my first daughter, my Nelle Claudia Dej was born. She was given a name we had already picked out. When we brought home her ashes, it was to a nursery that we had already started to furnish. Continue reading
Photo by Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash
I am counting the days, one by one, until September 4th. Nelle’s birthday. It will have been four years since she was stillborn.
That year, it was Labor Day weekend. So not only do I have the actual day, but everything surrounding Labor Day reminds me of that weekend. Continue reading