They Were Included

Last April, my sister got married. I was the maid of honor, pregnant, constantly worried that I would lose the baby, as I lost Nelle and Iris in the two pregnancies before. I did the absolute best I could to be present, participate, while carrying fears that something would happen and ruin her special day. Her day came, and everything was fine. I used the portable heart-rate monitor to listen for the baby’s heartbeat in the morning, tracked movements throughout the day, and smiled through well wishes in the evening. The day following her wedding was the 24-week mark: medically significant because it was a marker of “viability” should something happen. Continue reading

A Shining Star

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Theo was Star of the Week in his second grade class. Last Friday he brought home a “questionnaire” including describing favorite foods and family traditions. He also needed to bring in five photos. Continue reading

When Two Years Have Passed

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After taking a few months off, I went to SHARE last night.  I found that while Autumn was still a very young baby, it was too difficult to support other loss parents while simultaneously struggling with having a rainbow baby at home and the emotions that followed the daily ins and outs.  Now that Autumn has reached eight months, I felt that I was in a place where I could go to a meeting and not feel drained for days following. Continue reading

Dear Theodosia, What To Say To You?

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Dear Theodosia, what to say to you?
You have my eyes
You have your mother’s name
When you came into the world, you cried and it broke my heart
I’m dedicating every day to you….
When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart
-From ‘Hamilton’

Autumn is eight months old today.  Born on the 8th day of the 8th month and now 8 months old.  She is sturdy and growing and I no longer fear that something will happen to a fragile infant.  We thought that our two big kids were happy as babies, but she knocks them out of the park in terms of always smiling and laughing.  As Theo likes to say, “I think Autumn loves her little life.” Continue reading