Dreaming About a House

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Photo by Noah Isaac on Unsplash

For many months - perhaps even a year - I have had the same dream. I am in a house, either our current home, or the house I grew up in, or some other familiar place. In the dream, I discover some type of secret “new room.” Perhaps it was a door in the basement that I open to reveal several new rooms. Or stairs lead to an attic discovery that is larger than I thought possible in the size of the space. Continue reading

Seasons Keep Changing

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At yesterday’s service, the Unitarian Universalist church I attend was honoring All Soul’s Day.  We were encouraged to bring a photo or memento of our loved one to place on a table at the front of the church.  The interim pastor is from Texas and has a lot of exposure to Día de Muertos, which she spoke about during the service, along with the Catholic tradition of All Soul’s Day, along with other traditions. Continue reading

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

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I began seeing a therapist a week after Nelle died.  I saw Alexia through becoming pregnant again, and then losing Iris.  I remember so clearly telling her in a session that something didn’t feel right during my pregnancy.  She told me to tell myself “stop it” as a way to stave off negative thoughts.  To use positive self-talk and say “I can get through anything.”  A few days later, I was emailing her, asking her if I could come in sooner than my regular appointment, because we had lost Iris.  At the end of that session, she hugged me so tightly and said “I’m so sorry, hun.  This isn’t what I wanted for you.” Continue reading

My Vilomah

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September is always a hard month for me.  I hit Nelle’s birthday on September 4th, and then spend the rest of the month being reminded of how hard that first month in that first year was.  How I spent days on end crying on the bathroom floor, with my back against the tub and my head pressed against my knees.  It was a dense fog of survival, followed by stumbling through Theo’s birthday a few weeks later.  A true testament to parenting: putting aside my own feelings, however anguished, to celebrate another one of my children.  Continue reading

Ninety Minutes for Me

2019-09-26 Ninety Minutes for Me

This week has been absolutely nutty. Make that last week and this week — or perhaps every day since Friday the 13th when it was also an impending full moon. That’s it. Work has been a combination of Friday the 13th, the Full Moon, and toss in Groundhog Day, for nearly two weeks now. Everyone has lost their minds and is howling. Continue reading