Bad Day

Yesterday ended up being a really bad day for me.

Maybe it was because it was exactly two weeks since we found out our baby was gone and I was admitted to the hospital.

Maybe it was because it started raining in the afternoon so it felt like the whole world was crying.

Maybe it was because the ring on my finger with her name is now a constant reminder.

Maybe it was because I told my hair stylist to cut my hair a bit shorter than normal and then I wasn’t paying attention and she cut it a lot shorter than normal.

Maybe it was because Ger has had to work late throughout the week, leaving me alone with the kids in the evening.

Maybe it was because I still have 10 pounds of pregnancy weight to lose, so none of my regular clothes fit right.

Maybe it was because I didn’t get an afternoon walk.

Maybe it was because I had several good days in a row, and didn’t realize I had been bottling my emotions.

Whatever the reason, I spiraled downhill in the afternoon, leaving me choking on the lump in my throat and finally spilling into a flood of tears by the evening.  I forced myself to take a bath and write in my gratitude journal.  But it was one of those days when I just kept replaying scenes from those awful two days over and over in my head.

That was yesterday.  Hopefully today will be better.