After going to mass on Monday evening, on Tuesday I felt heavy and horrible. I initially thought that revisiting so much grief had been more impactful than I had anticipated, so I rearranged my work day. By mid-morning, I was feeling ill and wondered instead if instead I was actually sick. I tried to sleep but no luck. By afternoon, I felt better and got up, moved around, and did a bunch of work. Waking up this morning though confirmed that I am sick. I feel feverish and my muscles ache. Whether the illness exacerbated my grief on Monday, or whether this illness is a result of the fact that I am so worn out, I’m not sure.
I kept my therapy appointment today, but came home and fell asleep. Sometimes I find that I will wake up feeling refreshed, like “sleeping off” the sickness, but not the case today… I woke feeling much the same. And Ger has to work late tonight… We will definitely be ordering food and I am praying to the behavior gods that my children are easy tonight.
Today marks two months since our daughter was born. Two months and one day since we found out she was gone.