Five Memories and Now

Photos reveal the changes of the past year.

May 2, 2015:  I attended a Kentucky Derby “High Tea” with some friends.  I was actually pregnant, but it was too early to have a positive at-home test. But I suspected that I might be.  I did not drink any alcohol at the tea, prompting one of my friends to ask “Are you pregnant??”  To which I responded “No, no, no.”  A few days later, I was able to give her a different answer.

June 22, 2015: Family vacation in Hawaii to celebrate my uncles’ marriage.  I was about 10 weeks pregnant and had horrible morning sickness.  Sometimes I had to cut activities short due to the combination of vomiting and fatigue.  We announced that we were having a girl on this trip.

October 17, 2015: To celebrate my birthday, we went to see Blue Man Group. This was about 6 weeks after we lost Nelle. I can see the pain in my face.

December 27, 2015: With my grandma, my dad, and my kids – four generations.  I was about 9 weeks pregnant with Iris.  I was excited and terrified.

April 1, 2016: Family vacation in Arizona. About six weeks after we lost Iris.  The last day of my 30-day Grief Writing course was the first day of vacation, so I was feeling a bit lost.

And now.  Nearly eight months after losing Nelle.  Two and a half months after losing Iris.  In a holding pattern for at least four more months.  Six weeks after starting hot yoga. Still not completely back to pre-pregnancy weight, but close.  Weaning off of anti-depressants.  Still in therapy.  Still relying on writing to deal with my grief.

My family is prevalent throughout the photos.  They surround me.