What I’m Wearing Now

 

I have been reluctant to unpack my maternity clothes.  Over halfway through pregnancy, and I was still squeezing into loose tops and a variety of cloth pants.  Packing away maternity clothes after losing Nelle was unbearable and I hated the idea of needing to go through that process again.  Now, past 20 weeks, I needed to confront the ever-changing shape.

On Friday, post-ultrasound, for the first time I picked up Quentin from school wearing a shirt that clearly showed my pregnancy shape.  Previously, I had been further hiding beneath an oversized jacket but the day was sunny and warm.  Only one teacher had confronted me previously, asking directly if I was pregnant.  She knows how hard this is for me, having lost a baby of her own.  When she saw me enter the school, wearing my more fitted shirt, her face lit up and she said “You look SO adorable!”  Surprisingly or not surprisingly, the tiniest of tears stung at my eyes, even as my face broke into a smile and I shyly thanked her.

I even met a friend for manicures/pedicures and dinner last night, and while I was wearing a loose-fitting dress, I knew that it would likely still be obvious that I was pregnant.

I finally mustered the energy this afternoon to drag out the tote labeled “maternity.”  I packed up all of the loose shirts that will fall into the “postpartum” category.  I have a few events upcoming in the next month or so, and examined my supply, wondering what I would wear.  Planning.  They will need a round in the dryer to de-wrinkle before I can hang them in my closet, but I am no longer ignoring the situation.