Sharing Their Stories

2019-04-18 Sharing Their Stories

When an invitation comes up to speak on parent panels at one of the local hospitals, I always volunteer.  These panels are part of the SHARE program and educate hospital medical staff on how to care for patients like me, dealing with the death of their child.  The staff – nurses and techs usually, from both Labor and Delivery and Mother-Baby – go through the “information” part of the class first, learning about the bereavement program to support parents, but then the parents are invited into the room to speak and tell their stories.  The stories we share communicate the experience in a way that no Power Point can. Continue reading

Don’t Let the Moment Slip Away

2019-04-10 Don't Let the Moment Slip Away

I have had some people come into my life recently that don’t know that I lost two babies.  I interact with them a lot, and for months I have wondered when it will come up.  I wasn’t avoiding the topic, but it isn’t something that necessarily arises in casual conversation either.  Yet I knew – when the moment presented itself, I would say something. Continue reading

Learning Not to Turn Away

learning not to turn away

Turn turn away
From the weight of your own past
It’s magic for the devil
And betray the lack of change
Once you have spoken
Turn away
-Beck

It has become an almost automatic reaction.  See a pregnancy announcement – usually accompanied by photos – flinch, hide the announcement.  If the parents-to-be start to inundate my feed with cutesy photos, or complaints about the discomforts of pregnancy, then I am done.  I remove it from my sight until I am sure the baby is born.  I’ll provide the requisite “Congratulations” and then whether I bring that baby back into my feed depends on whether or not there are any other triggers. Continue reading

A Parent’s Loving Decision

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We often say in my grief support group that as parents, we make decisions every day on behalf of our children.

Starting with some of the earliest decisions around breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding, to consequences for the stubborn toddler, to how much screen time to allow, to how to pay for college – these decisions are daily, sometimes small, and sometimes life-changing.  All are made because the parents are doing what they believe is best. Continue reading

The Rumbling

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The first book I read after Nelle died in September of 2015 was Rising Strong by Brene Brown.  It was exactly what I needed at that time.  Brown talks about three parts of the rising strong process:  the Reckoning, the Rumble, and the Revolution.  Of the rumble, she writes:  “The rumble begins with turning up our curiosity level and becoming aware of the story we’re telling ourselves about our hurt, anger, frustration, or pain.”  Continue reading