Ninety Minutes for Me

2019-09-26 Ninety Minutes for Me

This week has been absolutely nutty. Make that last week and this week — or perhaps every day since Friday the 13th when it was also an impending full moon. That’s it. Work has been a combination of Friday the 13th, the Full Moon, and toss in Groundhog Day, for nearly two weeks now. Everyone has lost their minds and is howling. Continue reading

The Gods are Crying Today

2019-09-28 The Gods Are Crying

I took my two older kids to church this morning.  We always take a hiatus in the summer; the church changes their schedule from two Sunday services to one, and offers no religious ed classes during the one single service, so we stop attending.  The one service seems to imply that they expect lower attendance in the summer and that’s fine, I told myself as I got dressed this morning, I have to get over the guilt that was ingrained into me growing up. Continue reading

Sharing Their Stories

2019-04-18 Sharing Their Stories

When an invitation comes up to speak on parent panels at one of the local hospitals, I always volunteer.  These panels are part of the SHARE program and educate hospital medical staff on how to care for patients like me, dealing with the death of their child.  The staff – nurses and techs usually, from both Labor and Delivery and Mother-Baby – go through the “information” part of the class first, learning about the bereavement program to support parents, but then the parents are invited into the room to speak and tell their stories.  The stories we share communicate the experience in a way that no Power Point can. Continue reading

Don’t Let the Moment Slip Away

2019-04-10 Don't Let the Moment Slip Away

I have had some people come into my life recently that don’t know that I lost two babies.  I interact with them a lot, and for months I have wondered when it will come up.  I wasn’t avoiding the topic, but it isn’t something that necessarily arises in casual conversation either.  Yet I knew – when the moment presented itself, I would say something. Continue reading

Learning Not to Turn Away

learning not to turn away

Turn turn away
From the weight of your own past
It’s magic for the devil
And betray the lack of change
Once you have spoken
Turn away
-Beck

It has become an almost automatic reaction.  See a pregnancy announcement – usually accompanied by photos – flinch, hide the announcement.  If the parents-to-be start to inundate my feed with cutesy photos, or complaints about the discomforts of pregnancy, then I am done.  I remove it from my sight until I am sure the baby is born.  I’ll provide the requisite “Congratulations” and then whether I bring that baby back into my feed depends on whether or not there are any other triggers. Continue reading