Before I was discharged from the hospital after delivering Iris, I asked the doctor to write me a prescription for an anti-depressant. I knew that losing two babies inside of six months could send me into a dark place. When placed on a six-month holding pattern before trying for a baby again, I became rigorous in my self-care. The medication, weekly therapy, yoga multiple times per week, baths, and natural beauty products became a ritual to stay afloat. I hear the words loud and clear from the grief community: take care of yourself, take care of yourself.
I really wanted to attend my SHARE support group last night. The meetings are bi-monthly and a chance for me to talk with other parents that have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. When I attended the last meeting, the group was a mixture of parents with very recent losses (even only a few days prior) and others like me, who were further out. It is also a chance to see the friends that I have made through this club that I never wanted to be a part of. Continue reading
Last April, my sister got married. I was the maid of honor, pregnant, constantly worried that I would lose the baby, as I lost Nelle and Iris in the two pregnancies before. I did the absolute best I could to be present, participate, while carrying fears that something would happen and ruin her special day. Her day came, and everything was fine. I used the portable heart-rate monitor to listen for the baby’s heartbeat in the morning, tracked movements throughout the day, and smiled through well wishes in the evening. The day following her wedding was the 24-week mark: medically significant because it was a marker of “viability” should something happen. Continue reading
Theo was Star of the Week in his second grade class. Last Friday he brought home a “questionnaire” including describing favorite foods and family traditions. He also needed to bring in five photos. Continue reading
Yesterday, someone I know asked for advice on Facebook. Her friend, 4.5 months pregnant, was told that her son would not likely make it to term due to a heart defect. She wanted to help, but didn’t know how. A friend brought it to my attention, thinking I could offer some words, knowing that kind of heartbreak. Continue reading