They Were Included

Last April, my sister got married. I was the maid of honor, pregnant, constantly worried that I would lose the baby, as I lost Nelle and Iris in the two pregnancies before. I did the absolute best I could to be present, participate, while carrying fears that something would happen and ruin her special day. Her day came, and everything was fine. I used the portable heart-rate monitor to listen for the baby’s heartbeat in the morning, tracked movements throughout the day, and smiled through well wishes in the evening. The day following her wedding was the 24-week mark: medically significant because it was a marker of “viability” should something happen. Continue reading

A Shining Star

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Theo was Star of the Week in his second grade class. Last Friday he brought home a “questionnaire” including describing favorite foods and family traditions. He also needed to bring in five photos. Continue reading

When Mothers Are Hurting

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Yesterday, someone I know asked for advice on Facebook.  Her friend, 4.5 months pregnant, was told that her son would not likely make it to term due to a heart defect.  She wanted to help, but didn’t know how.  A friend brought it to my attention, thinking  I could offer some words, knowing that kind of heartbreak. Continue reading

Tell Your Story

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Let me tell you what I wish I’d known
When I was young and dreamed of glory
You have no control:
Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?
-From ‘Hamilton’

For the third time, I appeared before a group of hospital staff to tell my story of being a patient in Labor and Delivery who would not be taking my baby home. Continue reading

Pass It On

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It took me 406 days after Nelle was stillborn and 255 days after losing Iris to attend my first SHARE meeting.  The first meeting is always the hardest, even more than a year after my losses.  Being in the room with so many other parents, all of whom knew that pain, brought much of the hurt to the surface again.  I cried for days after.  I didn’t go back.  It wasn’t until I was pregnant with Autumn that I started to attend Sharing HOPE (Having Optimistic Pregnancy Expectations) and that monthly meeting became a necessary part of surviving the months until she was born. Continue reading