Everything happens for a reason.
Meant to be comforting, right?
I know newly grieving parents in my support group are often looking for that reason. I looked for it as well. But now reflecting, I knew that I wasn’t looking for a reason as much as a cause: a medical conclusion as to why Nelle had died. Being told that it was random made it hurt more. She was growth restricted, so something was medically wrong – right? Something caused her to die. Continue reading
Last week, I attended a Share meeting. I found myself the “furthest out” in the room: the most time had passed since my loss. Now heading toward three years ago this September since Nelle was born. I was that voice from the “other side”: somehow survived. The days are not awful. The moments come and go, but are not constant. Continue reading
When I was in sixth grade, I suffered from hives that covered my entire body. They lasted for six months, unforgiving red circles that itched. I saw doctors, I missed school – no one could figure out what was going on. Finally, the pediatrician said “Let’s run a culture for strep throat – sometimes it can present with hives.” Culture was positive. A course of antibiotics later and the hives were gone. Continue reading
Sleep changed forever the day that I found out Nelle had died. Beginning in the hospital, I was unable to fall asleep for more than a few minutes throughout the more than 24-hours of labor. Continue reading
I am incredibly tired. After hosting a conference for two days, wearing heels that I do not normally wear and sleeping in a bed that wasn’t my own, I could probably nap for days before I feel rested. But when I want to write about a particular experience, I find that it is best to capture as immediately as I can so as not to have the details dim. Even if the details are already dim due to fatigue… Continue reading