A Moment at the Theater

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The past few weeks have been emotionally tough.  The news has been a constant barrage of silencing, dismissing, berating, or blaming women who are trying to share their stories.  It is draining, on many levels.  While I have never experienced sexual assault that is at the center of the discourse, I can empathize with being told that my experience is not worthy or valid.  Feeling rejected.  Feeling that I have to hold my stories inside.  It is challenging to want to show support and listen to the stories, without simultaneously wanting to crawl into a hole and hide from the vicious, unfeeling attacks. Continue reading

Travel with Different Ages

When I was a child, my family used to take huge trips during the summer.  Lengthy and carefully planned, we would pile into the minivan and drive to places like Yellowstone Park, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and the Badlands.  Sometimes these trips stretched into ten days or more, testing our ability to tolerate each other in the car and stamina in hitting landmark after landmark.  But I did see many different parts of the country as a result. Continue reading

Reasons Things Happen, Revisited

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Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Everything happens for a reason.

Meant to be comforting, right?

I know newly grieving parents in my support group are often looking for that reason.  I looked for it as well.  But now reflecting, I knew that I wasn’t looking for a reason as much as a cause: a medical conclusion as to why Nelle had died.  Being told that it was random made it hurt more.  She was growth restricted, so something was medically wrong – right?  Something caused her to die. Continue reading

Triggers, Loud and Soft

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Last week, I attended a Share meeting.  I found myself the “furthest out” in the room: the most time had passed since my loss.  Now heading toward three years ago this September since Nelle was born.  I was that voice from the “other side”: somehow survived.  The days are not awful.  The moments come and go, but are not constant. Continue reading