Reasons Things Happen, Revisited

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Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Everything happens for a reason.

Meant to be comforting, right?

I know newly grieving parents in my support group are often looking for that reason.  I looked for it as well.  But now reflecting, I knew that I wasn’t looking for a reason as much as a cause: a medical conclusion as to why Nelle had died.  Being told that it was random made it hurt more.  She was growth restricted, so something was medically wrong – right?  Something caused her to die. Continue reading

Triggers, Loud and Soft

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Last week, I attended a Share meeting.  I found myself the “furthest out” in the room: the most time had passed since my loss.  Now heading toward three years ago this September since Nelle was born.  I was that voice from the “other side”: somehow survived.  The days are not awful.  The moments come and go, but are not constant. Continue reading

When Anxiety Strikes Again

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Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

When I was in sixth grade, I suffered from hives that covered my entire body.  They lasted for six months, unforgiving red circles that itched.  I saw doctors, I missed school – no one could figure out what was going on.  Finally, the pediatrician said “Let’s run a culture for strep throat – sometimes it can present with hives.”  Culture was positive.  A course of antibiotics later and the hives were gone. Continue reading

At the Conference Again

I am incredibly tired.  After hosting a conference for two days, wearing heels that I do not normally wear and sleeping in a bed that wasn’t my own, I could probably nap for days before I feel rested.  But when I want to write about a particular experience, I find that it is best to capture as immediately as I can so as not to have the details dim.  Even if the details are already dim due to fatigue… Continue reading