When I was a child, my family used to take huge trips during the summer. Lengthy and carefully planned, we would pile into the minivan and drive to places like Yellowstone Park, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and the Badlands. Sometimes these trips stretched into ten days or more, testing our ability to tolerate each other in the car and stamina in hitting landmark after landmark. But I did see many different parts of the country as a result. Continue reading
Everything happens for a reason.
Meant to be comforting, right?
I know newly grieving parents in my support group are often looking for that reason. I looked for it as well. But now reflecting, I knew that I wasn’t looking for a reason as much as a cause: a medical conclusion as to why Nelle had died. Being told that it was random made it hurt more. She was growth restricted, so something was medically wrong – right? Something caused her to die. Continue reading
Last week, I attended a Share meeting. I found myself the “furthest out” in the room: the most time had passed since my loss. Now heading toward three years ago this September since Nelle was born. I was that voice from the “other side”: somehow survived. The days are not awful. The moments come and go, but are not constant. Continue reading
When I was in sixth grade, I suffered from hives that covered my entire body. They lasted for six months, unforgiving red circles that itched. I saw doctors, I missed school – no one could figure out what was going on. Finally, the pediatrician said “Let’s run a culture for strep throat – sometimes it can present with hives.” Culture was positive. A course of antibiotics later and the hives were gone. Continue reading
Sleep changed forever the day that I found out Nelle had died. Beginning in the hospital, I was unable to fall asleep for more than a few minutes throughout the more than 24-hours of labor. Continue reading