A Different Photoo


I have been sending out Christmas cards since the first year Ger and I were married (so that was 11 Christmases ago…)  I have a large, black wire card tree that lovingly holds all of the cards we receive in return.  By the end of the season, my tree is full and I feel that my heart is also full to have so many wonderful people in our lives. Continue reading

No More Zero-to-Three


For the last time, I have packed away zero-to-three-month baby clothes.

When I packed away Theo’s clothing, it was with a lot of eagerness.  My baby boy was growing!  On to the next stage!  With Quentin, I thought nothing of it.  There were no immediate plans for a third child, but I assumed it would be “someday” so everything was folded and stored in labeled totes.  After losing both Nelle and Iris, and packing away some of Quentin’s much larger clothing as he outgrew it, I thought “What if that was the last time I was going to ever pack away baby clothes, and I didn’t know it?  What if Quentin was my last baby, and I missed savoring all of those ‘last time I will do this EVER’ moments?” Continue reading

Rainbow’s End


It is 3:00 am and I am staring into my baby’s very-alert face, willing her to go back to sleep. As her steely-blue eyes stare back at me, I thought of Iris. My baby that was supposed to be my rainbow baby. How much I wanted her, after losing Nelle. How Autumn would not exist if Iris had lived. It is all such a complicated story of “them” and “her.” “Here” and “not here.” Continue reading

Enter Holidays


The day was gray. Chilly. I was running errands in the afternoon and met with a mass of unexpected holiday shoppers, so it took longer than usual and I was tired. Then I drove by the hospital. A few minutes later, the lyrics “May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift” (Bob Dylan) came floating through the speakers. Between the air, the place, and the music, I began to cry. Continue reading

Different and the Same

I saw one of my favorite people last night.  We met when our oldest kids were in diapers, through a Meetup playgroup in our area.  The group dissolved, but our friendship remained.  It was one of those instant clicks when you meet a new person and think “Oh yes.  This person is my person.”  Much to our delight, we both became pregnant at the same time, with only six weeks separating the due dates for our second children. Continue reading