In the passing of years since my daughters died, I have become more prepared for the “hard days” – the hardest being their birthdays. Nelle’s birthday was Labor Day weekend that particular year, so it ushers in multiple days of grief in the subsequent years. And Iris’s birthday is February 13th – the day before Valentine’s Day. As our family prepares to shower love on each other, I am slammed the day before with how she is not with us. Continue reading
My kids play outside almost every day. Barring any rain or snow, they will go to the backyard and run around after arriving home from school. My 10-year-old doesn’t even let rain stop him - unless it is a downpour, he’s fine with a light drizzle and I have to debate telling him “no” versus mud tracked inside on his shoes. Continue reading
Four years. 1,461 days. My baby girl, my first daughter, my Nelle Claudia Dej was born. She was given a name we had already picked out. When we brought home her ashes, it was to a nursery that we had already started to furnish. Continue reading
Waterfall Glen Forest Preserve
Last week, I was picking my kids up from summer camp. The day was blistering hot, so I was wearing shorts and flip flops. The kids are always outside when I arrive and so I walk up to the teacher and he yells out to the kids running around on a large soccer field to come over and get their backpacks. He usually says something to me in the minute or so that it takes for my kids to appear at my side; most of the time, something about what they did that day. Continue reading
We have been at marriage therapy for about a year, now only going to appointments once a month as a check-in. Now heading toward four years since Nelle died, and nearly two years since our rainbow baby was born, it feels like we have worked through the heavy stuff and are just “fine tuning the top” as our therapist likes to say. Continue reading
