Her Birthday

I had it all planned out. I knew that I would be meeting some people for the first time today, in a professional context, and when asked “How many children do you have?” I would answer honestly, the way that I always answer in my head. “I have five children. I have three at home and we lost two.” It is Iris’s birthday today and what better way to honor her than to say those words out loud. As I drove to the meetings, I practiced the scenario and the words over and over in my head. Continue reading

Traditions Old and New

Christmas is always a magical time for me.  Our home growing up was always richly decorated for the holidays.  The Rotary Lights display in my hometown area was always a must, boasting millions of magical lights throughout Riverside Park.  Lefse, Chex mix, Lora’s Sugar Cookies, and rosettes were always staples.  We had Advent calendars to open and there was an Advent wreath in the center of our dining table; every night we would light the purple and pink candles and do a reading.  We would gather at my aunt’s house for an oyster stew dinner on Christmas Eve.  On Christmas Day we would be greeted by my dad blasting carols through enormous speakers connected to a reel-to-reel and opening presents by a fire in the woodstove. Continue reading

Around the Table

img_7368

I took me over a year to attend my first SHARE meeting.  It was hard.  The passage of months hadn’t lessened my pain.  Speaking around a table of parents who had experienced loss did not bring me comfort.  Instead, I felt the weight of their stories and sadness.  The next day, I saw my therapist and it was her gentle suggestion that maybe the group was “too much” for me at that time.  I was carrying my own problems; how could I carry theirs too? Continue reading

Forever Children

This week, Autumn turned three months old.  Based on my due dates, Nelle would be 22 months and Iris would be sixteen-and-a-half months.  But Autumn is older than they will ever be.  Once I passed 16 weeks, 1 day of pregnancy, and 21 weeks, 1 day of pregnancy, Autumn will always be older. Continue reading