When The Year Doesn’t Ring

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The last of the Christmas decorations have been put away.  The last of the guests have left the house.  The last of the holiday food has been consumed.  I have found myself “stuck” for a few days on what to write for the new year, particularly a new year that, for me, looks very different from the past two.  How to start a new year, now holding the baby that we waited so long for?  How to start moving that year forward? Continue reading

Remember Me

When I first saw previews for Coco, it didn’t really strike me as a movie we would run out to see. Then the rave reviews started coming in. Reading some of them online, I knew I wanted to take the kids to see it. One reviewer wrote “If an animated movie is going to offer children a way to process death, it’s hard to envision a more spirited, touching and breezily entertaining example than Coco.” (Robert Abele, TheWrap) Continue reading

I Have Been Through Trauma

Last year, winter break started several days before Christmas, and I thought “WHAT are we going to do with all of these days?”  Somehow, I decided that we would go see The Nutcracker at The Joffrey Ballet in Chicago.  I bought tickets for a 2:00 pm showing on December 23rd.  By that time, I was a few weeks pregnant, and on high alert.  The kids were unimpressed by the ballet.  Then we had to walk swiftly to the train station to catch a departure back to the suburbs, or else wait another thirty minutes to the next train.  We had a few minutes to spare and were settled when a mother boarded the train at the last possible second, dragging a child behind her.  The doors closed, with her on the train and her child on the other side.  There was screaming as the train pulled away.  It was literally feet from where we were sitting, and my heart stopped – as it was unclear if the child was actually being dragged by the train.  A host of people started pounding on the door and finally an emergency lever was pulled.  Everything ended up being fine, but as a parent I have been unable to erase what I witnessed. Continue reading

My Story, Shared

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I wondered what I would feel like writing on Christmas Day.  Would I feel like recounting the day of delight that my big kids feel when they wake up and find their presents from Santa?  Would I reflect on the past two years of anxiety, waking up on Christmas morning, once pregnant with a baby that I would lose, and once pregnant with a baby that I am now holding? Continue reading