Blessings Revisited 


My baby, the one who sleeps in the room next to mine, the one who looks so much like her brothers, is a blessing.  When I was about six months pregnant, someone said to me that she would be a blessing.  At that moment, still unable to believe that she would even be born, I managed to respond “But… I still wanted my other two babies.”  I look at her now though, and see the tremendous light that she brings.  Always a reminder of her sisters that came before her, and I will always make sure that she knows that. Continue reading

Shattered Dreams

“She felt as if the mosaic she had been assembling out of life’s little shards got dumped to the ground, and there was no way to put it back together.”  -Anne Lamott

I wondered when it would hit me.  The days had been passing in a blur of color and activity and I barely had time to pause. Continue reading

Sacred Love

“In all this world, there is no love for you like mine.”  -Maya Angelou

Reading has always been important to our family.  We read to our babies from infancy.  We have reading time every single night.  Bookshelves fill our rooms and words fill our children with wonder, transporting them to different worlds. Continue reading

Wonder and Sorrow

That was long ago. Today neither of them is alive….
O my love, where are they, where are they going….
I ask not out of sorrow, but in wonder.
-Czeslaw Milosz

Today.  The day the course of our lives changed.  Two years ago today was the day that we learned that Nelle was growth restricted.  I wrote about it on this day last year, so uncertain at the time what the future held for us.   Continue reading

Inescapable Reality

“Your death really feels like a prison sentence…Upon the slamming of those doors for the first time, one fights and struggles and wrestles trying to get them back open – trying to get back to freedom and the world you knew. Then, once resigned, you decorate. You hang up a photo of something pretty, buy a plant, and drink a good cup of coffee. You move in for good and get settled. You’re still imprisoned so it all seems a little silly, but you do it anyway.”-from “Notes from a Cell with Flowers” by Julia Cho

The room trapped me.  Swallowed me. Continue reading