I have had some people come into my life recently that don’t know that I lost two babies. I interact with them a lot, and for months I have wondered when it will come up. I wasn’t avoiding the topic, but it isn’t something that necessarily arises in casual conversation either. Yet I knew – when the moment presented itself, I would say something. Continue reading
My baby, the one who sleeps in the room next to mine, the one who looks so much like her brothers, is a blessing. When I was about six months pregnant, someone said to me that she would be a blessing. At that moment, still unable to believe that she would even be born, I managed to respond “But… I still wanted my other two babies.” I look at her now though, and see the tremendous light that she brings. Always a reminder of her sisters that came before her, and I will always make sure that she knows that. Continue reading
Fall swells and crinkles
Bursts of color give way to shriveled deadness
I try not to compare last, and this
Last… where death surrounded me.
This… where changes are swirling, promising, new. Continue reading
I still remember what I wore that day. September 3rd, 2015. I had on a new-ish red maternity shirt, and khaki maternity shorts because it was warm. I knew that I had a stash of maternity shirts somewhere that I had been unable to locate, so I had begrudgingly bought a few while I continued to search. I went to the appointment nervous, after the alarming ultrasound of the previous week, with a list of questions about what intrauterine growth restriction meant, and what were the possible outcomes. I never got that far into my appointment. Continue reading
I am a black desk. Sturdy. In an office with an unfortunate shade of yellow walls.
I knew the plan. The office was going to be turned into a nursery. There was talk that the walls were going to be repainted, maybe with a coral and teal theme. A baby dresser moved into the room, and I knew it would not be long before I was relocated. Continue reading