As I gulped and turned away, I was angry with myself for reacting that way. Will I ever be able to be excited about this pregnancy? Accept congratulations, rather than crying?
On the same night, they both decided to include the baby in their evening ritual. If only I could know how long these good nights will last. A few more weeks? Or many years to come?
I thought maybe I could spent these first few months focusing very little on my pregnancy; at least until I am further along and have a clearer picture of what is in store for us. Other than the constant nausea, it had been easy to ignore for a few weeks.
We wrestled with when to tell the kids that we are expecting a baby. I wanted to protect them; to not have them be afraid. To not have them in tune with my own fear. I looked far into the future and worried that…
I regret every time that someone asks me “How many children do you have?” And I respond “I have two children” because I am not brave enough to explain that I have four children, only two living.