I really wanted to attend my SHARE support group last night. The meetings are bi-monthly and a chance for me to talk with other parents that have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. When I attended the last meeting, the group was a mixture of parents with very recent losses (even only a few days prior) and others like me, who were further out. It is also a chance to see the friends that I have made through this club that I never wanted to be a part of. Continue reading
My pediatrician did not know that I lost two babies. It was a timing issue mostly. Quentin has a March birthday, and I wasn’t pregnant yet when we went in for his Well Child visit. By September when it was time to take Theo in for his Well Child visit for his birthday, I had lost Nelle – just two weeks prior. I remember going into that appointment thinking “Do I say something? What would I say? It probably won’t come up.” And it didn’t.
I had my annual female exam today. First time I have been in my OB/GYN office in over two-and-a-half years for a non-pregnancy related visit. My first visit when I was pregnant with Nelle would have been around May of 2015, when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. The exact date is not important to anyone but me. It was a bit surreal, to walk into that building and know that there would be no discussion of medications, or risk factors, or how many weeks along I was. Continue reading
My six-week postpartum appointment was this morning. It felt like a definitive “end” to such a long journey. No more pregnancy-related appointments, ever. I spent time picking out what to wear, as if I wanted to convey “See? Even five years older, tired, and dealing with a baby after loss, I can still bounce back!” The medical staff would not even notice my effort. It was more of an assurance for myself. Continue reading
I have had so many bad dreams. The one that reoccurred the most was a doctor telling me that something was wrong, or that I had lost a baby, followed by me screaming “No. No. NO!” I would wake from fitful sleep, often drenched in sweat or tangled in my blankets. Continue reading