When talking last weekend about our Door County vacation, Ger said “That was a great vacation. I really enjoyed myself.”
I blinked and said “Really? What parts did you enjoy?” Continue reading
I began seeing a therapist, Alexia, five days after Nelle was stillborn. I remember making the phone call to a counseling services group that had been recommended to me and when asked for the reason for wanting the appointment I had to say the words out loud “Because… because my baby died.” The person on the other end of the phone gave the immediate, automatic “Oh, I’m so sorry….” Ger and I went to the first appointment together but then I began to see Alexia alone. Continue reading
This past weekend was Father’s Day. Celebration, reflection, and sometimes hard. I cannot make it through Mother’s Day without thinking about the two babies that we lost. How can I not, when their birthdays are tattooed on my back, an ever-present reminder that I have five children? I need a day of distractions. Continue reading
Before I was discharged from the hospital after delivering Iris, I asked the doctor to write me a prescription for an anti-depressant. I knew that losing two babies inside of six months could send me into a dark place. When placed on a six-month holding pattern before trying for a baby again, I became rigorous in my self-care. The medication, weekly therapy, yoga multiple times per week, baths, and natural beauty products became a ritual to stay afloat. I hear the words loud and clear from the grief community: take care of yourself, take care of yourself.
In 2015, we were in a really good place. Steady in our jobs, happy and healthy kids (who were also no longer in diapers…), ready to grow our family. On Mother’s Day of that year, I announced to my mom that we were expecting our third baby. Continue reading