Pumpkin Habits

2017-10-31 Pumpkin Habits

Two years ago, four pumpkins sat outside of our house.  Four were round, smooth, and orange.  Two were a bluish color and lumpy.  We had lost Nelle at the onset of Fall that year.  It wasn’t intentional, but I looked at those pumpkins and thought “Six.  Four living people.  One blue pumpkin for Nelle.  And one blue pumpkin for our next baby.”  Of course, I had no way of knowing at that time that we would lose our next baby too.  Now I think back to the pumpkins that year and think: Six.  Four living.  Two dead. Continue reading

Inside the Box

There is a small white box in my closet.  It held Iris’s ashes before we scattered then.  I don’t need the box; it was only a delivery mechanism, a transportation method to her final resting place.  I did not keep Nelle’s box. But I have been unable to throw away Iris’s box.  It is one of the few things I have. Continue reading

Describe After

Anne Lamott often recounts words that a priest said to her once: “Sometimes Heaven is just a new pair of glasses.” A change in perspective.

How many words and phrases flow easily from the lips of our culture when it comes to death and dying? All of which are fairly presumptuous that those on the receiving end share the beliefs. Words so much more easily given than received. Or comforting only to the giver: a singular perspective. Continue reading

Unique Process

My healing might include laughter, tears, throwing something, creating something, talking, not talking. In other words, it will be as unique as my fingerprints and DNA. And my grieving process will be as predictable as the weather – a completely frustrating mystery.  -Unknown

I lack any sort of “green thumb.”  At best, I can keep succulents alive since, since as long as I manage to remember to water them every few weeks, they seem to do ok. I have had to fill my yard with hardy hostas that require little attention.  When we lost Nelle, we were given a plant that I have more dutifully taken care of, but every once in awhile it droops and I realize that I have neglected it. It always manages to perk up though.  Continue reading