What I Failed to Teach

20190-08-26 What I Failed to Teach

Photo by Tiffany Nutt on Unsplash

Yesterday afternoon, the doorbell rang.  It was in the middle of “quiet time” in our house, so Autumn was napping and Theo was down in his basement bedroom.  Ger and Quentin were out spending some time together at an arcade.  I figured that it was an Amazon delivery, but when I looked at the live camera from our Ring, I saw that it was a neighbor kid with his bike.  I went down to answer the door. Continue reading

And Now Two

2019-08-21 And Now Three

I didn’t write on the day that my rainbow baby turned two years old earlier this month.  There was a party, and then her actual birthday, and then we left for vacation a few days later.  I didn’t take the time out of the busy days to reflect on her the way that I should have. Continue reading

Learning Not to Turn Away

learning not to turn away

Turn turn away
From the weight of your own past
It’s magic for the devil
And betray the lack of change
Once you have spoken
Turn away
-Beck

It has become an almost automatic reaction.  See a pregnancy announcement – usually accompanied by photos – flinch, hide the announcement.  If the parents-to-be start to inundate my feed with cutesy photos, or complaints about the discomforts of pregnancy, then I am done.  I remove it from my sight until I am sure the baby is born.  I’ll provide the requisite “Congratulations” and then whether I bring that baby back into my feed depends on whether or not there are any other triggers. Continue reading

The Day That Should Be Hers

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The day crept up.  Stealth-like.  Amid fatigue, snow days, and household winter illnesses, I looked at the calendar and realized that it was February 12th.  The day that we found out that Iris had no heartbeat.  After 14 hours of labor, she was born on February 13th at 7:42 am. Continue reading

Getting Bigger

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Last night, I took a bath with Autumn.  She has been sick lately, and we had noticed that she seemed skinnier from not having much of an appetite, but last night her little belly was the roundness I would expect from a toddler.  She happily splashed and wanted me to keep filling a small, orange plastic cup with water and then pouring the water over her hands.  Each time, I clearly said the word “water” accompanied by the sign.  Eventually, she raised her hand to her chin in a faint copy of what I had been trying to teach her. Continue reading