Fifth Child Thoughts and Moments

img_1963

After starting physical therapy a few weeks ago, Autumn switched from afternoon appointments to morning appointments.  Arriving for an afternoon appointment after a long day at day care meant that she was often exhausted, crabby.  Morning seemed to be a much better fit for her rhythm.  But it meant that she would begin seeing a different therapist. Continue reading

Reliving a Year

fabrizio-verrecchia-180315-unsplash

I have had a pit in my stomach over the past few weeks.  I finally realized that I was reliving a lot of the anxiety I felt in the days leading up to her birth: a gnawing fear that something would happen.  This time, I feared that she would never reach one year old, instead of the fear that she wouldn’t be born healthy.  I envisioned a car accident, the day before her birthday, that would take her life.  I imagined the words that people would ask me, like “How old was your daughter when she died?” and I would have to forever respond “It was the day before her first birthday.”  Never able to say “I have a one year old daughter.” Continue reading

Planning a Party

katya-austin-102216-unsplash

Photo by Katya Austin on Unsplash

After learning that I was pregnant with Nelle, I created a “secret board” on Pinterest called Baby Girl.  I added photos of nursery designs, parenting ninja moves I wanted to try “this time around,” baby gear I knew I would need – a wide assortment associated with the excitement of planning for a baby.  Included in my collection were ideas for a first birthday party. Continue reading

The Moments I Missed

IMG_2781

The other morning, I was playing with Autumn on the floor.  She had a toy where you push a button, or turn a knob, and an animal pops up.  It was a new toy, and she was trying to work through how to make each of the animals appear.  I would show her, wait a few moments for her to process what had happened, push the animal back down, and wait a few moments again to see if she could figure it out for herself. Continue reading