Sometimes a Bit Lucky

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These past few weeks, we have felt very unlucky.  Ger had a nasty bout of pneumonia that put him out of commission for about 8 days, leaving me struggling to juggle work and the kids.  Then a week ago, with finally everyone healthy, we were driving to Noodles and Company for dinner, only to have our minivan die on the side of the road. Continue reading

When Memories Bring Tears

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Robert Frost said “No tears for the writer, no tears for the reader.”

It has been over twenty months since Nelle was born and still, still there moments when I cry because I miss her so much.  I miss her because she was my baby, my child, and she isn’t here.  She.  Isn’t.  Here.  Even typing those words, I have tears streaming down my face and my throat hurt with the pain that comes from gasping between breaths. Continue reading

Where To Put Grief


This past week, I have been editing some of my own writing.  It is writing that I did in the months between losing Nelle and Iris.  I found myself tensing up as I read my own words.  I was still reeling from the pain of losing Nelle, pregnant again, terrified.  And looking back, I know what is coming.  That unfathomable doctor’s appointment where I learned that I had lost Iris too.  I have to read through all of my fears that, in the end, proved to be true. Continue reading

Song

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In 2012, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It was one of those “I have no idea what to say” moments.  So I sent her a song, “This Woman’s Work” by Maxwell.  I thought it had all of the words that I could not say. Continue reading

Two Days Ago

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If I had a time machine that could transport me back two days, I would tell myself to be prepared.  Grieving hits at the most unexpected times.

I felt like I had been doing really well.  Feeling even-keel, going to yoga consistently, ready to take on new challenges at work.  Almost completely weaned from my anti-depressants. Continue reading