Six Weeks and Weary

2017-09-21 Six Weeks and Weary

My six-week postpartum appointment was this morning.  It felt like a definitive “end” to such a long journey.  No more pregnancy-related appointments, ever.  I spent time picking out what to wear, as if I wanted to convey “See?  Even five years older, tired, and dealing with a baby after loss, I can still bounce back!”  The medical staff would not even notice my effort.  It was more of an assurance for myself. Continue reading

Giving Permission

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It is 3:00 am and I just finished feeding my baby. Not because she woke up crying and hungry. But because I wanted and needed to be with her.

I had met a friend for dinner. Tucked the big kids in so that I was not leaving Ger to fend for himself with three kids at bedtime. There was pumped milk in the fridge. I spent a few hours away. Even had a glass of wine, a first in a long time. And the first time leaving the baby for “fun” versus out of necessity like running an errand or taekwondo class.   Continue reading

On Coming Alive

(After losing Iris, I joined an online grief writing course in March of 2016. For 30 days, I received an emailed prompt and could write and share it with other people enrolled in the course.  As the 30 days ended, I realized how much I needed the prompts to give me some inspiration and direction, so I set about to create my own from quotes and other sources.  I ended up with more than 200 prompts.  I wrote here, and privately.   Continue reading