The first day of spring. I remember hating the changing of the seasons last year after losing Iris. Love and hate. I hated the newness around me, but was grateful at being forced out of the darkness of winter.
The past few days have felt increasingly cold and longing for something that is not there. Something that would have made our family complete, provided that warmth, has been stripped aside and left us bare and trembling.
But now, I can feel it swell. The triggers are rapid, succinct, and exhausting. I know that my attention has been diverted and I have not been taking care of myself, and am now dealing with the after-affects of that.