My First Run

2016-06-25 My First Run

My very first 5k was in October of 2012.  I barely prepped for it, but ran with a friend who kindly ran at my pace.  The following year, I tried really hard to become a runner, participating in ten different races and training in between.  One year later, in October of 2013, I ran the same race as my first, this time pushing a jogging stroller, and impressed with myself that I finished with a decent time and the added challenge.  A testament to my hard work. Continue reading

Self-Care

2016-06-19 Self-Care

The past few months, I have been unapologetically focused on myself.  I have spent the better part of the time since September in various states of sadness, anxiety, and anger.  This was compounded by the state of stagnation that I find myself in.  The remedy for that seems to be self-care.  It likely started with yoga: making time for a 90-minute class 3-4x per week.  Recognizing that taking care of myself was a necessary component of being a functional human being both at home and work.  This evolved into taking better care of myself in other ways.  My daily routine has become a ritual of carefully considered improvements. Continue reading

Advice to Myself

2016-06-16 Advice to Myself

Pursue the authentic-decide first
what is authentic,
then go after it with all your heart.
Your heart, that place
you don’t even think of cleaning out.
-from ‘Advice to Myself’ by Louise Erdrich

My month-long self-imposed spending hiatus has not been going well.  Instead of buying for myself, I started buying for the house.  Little things that had bothered me for a long time suddenly seemed intolerable.  I cleaned out Ger’s entire closet and rid him of decade-old shirts and pants, and then went to the outlet mall to outfit him with a new wardrobe – something we had been discussing in passing for year, but never got around to.  I had an appliance repair man come out and fix the burner on our stove that has not been working for over a year.  I turned an old sandbox in the backyard into a garden bed. Continue reading

Band-Aid

Band-Aid

I went for a walk today.  Third day in a row where I’ve managed a 30 minute walk.  At the advice of a friend, I started seeing a therapist to help me deal with my grief – I saw her last week, and again today.  She told me that on my walks, to look around as a child looks around when outside – noticing things that are weird, or out of place, or beautiful. Continue reading