Photo by Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash
I am counting the days, one by one, until September 4th. Nelle’s birthday. It will have been four years since she was stillborn.
That year, it was Labor Day weekend. So not only do I have the actual day, but everything surrounding Labor Day reminds me of that weekend. Continue reading
I didn’t write on the day that my rainbow baby turned two years old earlier this month. There was a party, and then her actual birthday, and then we left for vacation a few days later. I didn’t take the time out of the busy days to reflect on her the way that I should have. Continue reading
I have had in my mind for years that we would take family vacations. Growing up, my family always took road trip or big vacations in the summer. I wanted to do the same with my kids, plotting out how we could visit all corners of the country, with focus on their ages at the time and what I thought we could handle. Continue reading
Waterfall Glen Forest Preserve
Last week, I was picking my kids up from summer camp. The day was blistering hot, so I was wearing shorts and flip flops. The kids are always outside when I arrive and so I walk up to the teacher and he yells out to the kids running around on a large soccer field to come over and get their backpacks. He usually says something to me in the minute or so that it takes for my kids to appear at my side; most of the time, something about what they did that day. Continue reading
Among the bereaved parents I know, we often say that the anticipation can be worse than the actual event. Thinking about an upcoming baby shower or family gathering can bring on feelings of anxiety, sadness, frustration, or dread. We mull over the scenes in our head, playing out confrontations, tears, or awkward silences. Often, we can get so worked up and then the moment passes without the level of emotions that were expected. And it gets easier over time to expect certain responses and manage them. Continue reading